Gold Dust Woman

Our News

2007-05-29T18:03:00.000-06:00

This is all that's on the news around here. I'm so sick of hearing about it. Some people just shouldn't have kids. This happened not far from where my mom lives. Ugh.

I got a new job. I'm not going to say where right now, but this may open up lots of oppertunitues for me. I'll go into more detail later.

I still don't have much to blog about right now. I've been busy and when I start training for this job I'll be even more busy so excuse the slow blogging for a while.

Life's Been Slow

2007-05-25T20:14:00.000-06:00

I know I haven't been blogging much, but nothing much has been going on. It's been raining for the last few days and it's supposed to continue through the weekend and into next week.

I'll post about the weekend on Monday.

Mommie's Birthday

2007-05-23T11:46:00.000-06:00

Today is Mommie's birthday! I think she will be 96 years old. It's also my uncle and my dad's brother Dave's birthday too! I believe he's 53. I will be calling both tonight so if you want to leave a birthday comment either here or on Gut Rumbles it will be passed on. I'm going to print them out and read them over the phone for Mommie and dave. I know Mommie will get a kick out of it!

Thanks Stevie for remembering this special day!! You have done so much by keeping Gut Rumbles alive! Dad would be proud!

Work

2007-05-22T16:07:00.000-06:00

I went for an interview today and have been asked to come back tomorrow for a second. I'm not going to say where or what I'll be doing since this is a very well known place and I wouldn't want to blow it by blogging about it. (since dad lost his job over blogging) Anyway, if I DO get this job, I'll be making pretty good money and we'll be able to pay our bills on time!

I know I haven't posted much lately, but I've been busy.

I walked outside yesterday and noticed that the city had left a notice on the door saying we had an "unlcean premises" due to the trailer full of brush sitting in our driveway that the CITY refused to pick up. We have one the nicest yards in the neighborhood. We get compliments on it all the time and Stacey worked her ass off last weekend trimming the trees mowing and cleaning out the flowerbeds. Our yard is all St Augustine grass, we have lots of pretty flowers and everyone around us has knee high grass and old cars that sit in their driveway, but WE get a notice.

I think the fat bitch whore that lives next door reported us because she doesn't like the fact that there are homosexuals living next to her. She came over during one of our garage sales and told us to move our stuff off her property. First of all it wasn't on her property, and second of all her trashed out yard is one of the WORST on the street. I might could understand if she kept at least a DECENT manicured yard, but NOOOO. It looks like shit and she's never home. She works for American Airlines and when she is home she hermits herself inside and never comes out. The lid is off her water meter by her mailbox and since the owner is responsible for it, I'm tempted to put the dogs on their leashes and walk by and OOOOPS, accidentally FALL into it and twist my ankle and SUE. OR I'll just put weed and grass kill on her ENTIRE yard so it will turn brown while everyone else's stays green. Then we'll see who's premises looks like shit.

Piss me off and I'll get revenge, sometime, somehow.

That's the kind of mood I'm in today.

Another Day

2007-05-17T16:32:00.000-06:00

I am at a point in my life where I feel like I have nothing to lose. I don't care what happens to me. I don't care if I get thrown in jail, I don't care if I die, I don't care about anything. I can be a good feeling and a bad one. The good part about it is that I'm not afraid of anything or anyone. I don't care what people think of me which makes me in a way, more self confident. The bad part is if I'm not careful I really could end up in jail and I'd regret it when I snapped out of this mood.

I've felt so crazy today. I have moment where everything spins. 10 minutes later I'll be so angry then 5 minutes later everything is great.

I've had a bad headache for the last few days and I've been over sleeping.

It soon shall pass...

Stacey and I rented 4 movies the other day. Alpha Dog, Running with Scissors, Van Wilder 2 The Rise of Taj, and some strange movie called Notes on a Scandal. Van Wilder 2 SUCKED. I don't think I even cracked a smile during the entire thing. The only thing even somewhat cute about it was the dog. Notes on a Scandal was okay but a little boring. Alpha Dog was really good and I just loved Running with Scissors. I watched it twice.

Stacey and I went to an auction today and bought a unit for $5 with an entertainment center, a leather sofa, a kitchen table (no chairs though) a weight bench complete with weights, a couple of PlayStation 2 games and controller, and a bunch of kids clothing. Not bad for 5 bucks.

I think I'm going to Starbucks.

We're home

2007-05-16T20:01:00.000-06:00

I will not ever bring the dogs camping again. Ruy whined the entire time because she was away from home, Daisy got stickers all in her fur so we had to shave her, Freda's dog ran wild the entire time and would drag rotting fish up to the campsite, and both Sparky and Daisy barked all night long, every night. I'm sure our camp neighbors loved that.

Other than that, we had a nice time. I got out on the jet ski and got some sun. We ate brisket and hamburgers and got drunk...well at least Stacey did.

I might start whoring my blog. I have been accepted a couple of advertisers to get paid for blogging about certain products like Kellie does. I need the money. We're planning our Savannah trip the first week of July and right now we just don't have the money.

I went to the post office and waited an hour to pick up my mail. They had two employees working. There are 7 windows. The line was out the door as usual and I asked the lady at the counter if they were hiring. She said, "no but they should be." That's for sure. I guess I could stuff my bra and go work at Hooters. I don't know if I could handle all the asshole men, but I hear the money isn't bad.

I've applied and applied at different places and no one seems to be hiring. Especially here in Texas, if you don't speak Spanish.

I want to go to school but I can't afford it and since I'm on Stacey's insurance I don't qualify for government programs that pay for it.

I couldn't pass the assessment test to get in. I'm on a 6th grade math level, (if even that) and I can't spell (thank God for spellcheck) or punctuate correctly. I never made it through high school so what makes me think I could make it though college?

Anyway, If you start seeing advertisement posts, read them or ignore them. It's up to you. I will still post my other stuff!

Camping with the Family

2007-05-10T15:18:00.000-06:00

This will probably be the last post for about 5 days so don't worry about me. Too bad I don't have wireless Internet or I'd blog from Lake Whitney. We head out early in the morning. Stacey has to pull the camper down from Cleburne then go back up for the jet ski. I have most of the clothes packed.

I went to CVS for some last minute items and realized when I got to the register that I didn't have my wallet. Luckily I'm less than 1/2 mile from CVS so I ran back home and was back before the cashier had another customer.

I also took the last of my packages to the Post Office this morning and to fill out the form to have my mail held. (can't trust the neighbors since the ones across the street are professional scam artists...another post)

There are 7 "windows" at the post office. There were only 2 open. There were at least 50 people in line. The line was out the door and two people in line had HUGE bags full of little tiny padded envelopes. I stood in line for an hour and a half. People were PISSED. All the employees were on vacation I heard someone say.

Then they want to increase the price of stamps. For what? So I can stand in line another 1 1/2 hours to buy them since their automated stamp machine is always broken?

It makes me want to use UPS for my Ebay packages from now on and pay all my bills online.

Anyway, I got home from CVS and realized I had purchased a DIET cherry coke rather than an ORIGINAL cherry coke.

DAMMIT!

Stacey and I shaved Daisy so she's lake ready. I need to get her diaper bag packed. (Yes, my dog requires a diaper bag)

8 People and 4 dogs in a 32' camper. Yay. Stacey bought plenty of beer, I have plenty of painkillers and hopefully she bought some energy drinks at Sam's today.

Now I have to finish packing and cleaning the house.

Also, do any bloggers have a Myspace? I've found so many old friends through Myspace. If you do, mine is Myspace.com/shabbycat...add me!

Have a safe weekend and I'll post as soon as I get home!!!

Tagged? Okay

2007-05-10T15:07:00.000-06:00

Just 4 U Kellie!!

I can't copy and paste the rules for some reason so I'll type them out my way.

Direct link to the person who sent this to you -done

List my 5 favorite local places to eat -

1. Hook Like & Sinker (Dallas)
2. Taco Cabana (Arlington)
3. Mariano's Mexican Restaurant (Arlington)
4. Jason's Deli (by The Parks Mall in Arlington)
5. Mama's Pizza (Mansfield & Arlington)

-done

Tag 5 other people from different locations and let them know.

Livey
Wichi Dude
Cori
Stevie
Catfish

-done

We'll see who does this back!

A Little Better

2007-05-08T18:19:00.000-06:00

I feel a little better today. At least with my mood. I just downed a huge iced latte and I feel like I'm about to puke.

We're going camping Friday at Lake Whitney. I bought me a new bathing suit at Wal-Mart since my really CUTE bathing suit from last year is way too small now. I needed something cheap and fast. I can't believe I'm up to a size 7/9 in a bathing suit now! Last year I was a 3/4. (Please ladies, don't leave me nasty comments for posting that. I'm just trying to say that I'm happy about the weight gain!)

I feel better and I fill out the suit better too. The camp ground is going to be packed and so is our camper. It sleeps 10 and there is 4 dogs, 2 kids and 6 adults and maybe a couple more pitching a tent.

We are going to ride jet skis all day long and I'm going to take this time to enjoy myself. I refuse to babysit dogs either.

Which bring me to last Sunday. We were in Cleburne at Stacey's sisters house cutting limbs. Her sister had gone to get a pedicure and we babysitted her untamed wild dog. (usually her kid too, TYPICAL) Well, this adorable Yorkie showed up at the house and Tyler, Stacey's 9 year old nephew who's only dream is to have his OWN dog, fell in love.

Sparky (the wild dog) took off and the Yorkie followed. Tyler and I chased those dogs out into the main road where cars were slamming on their brakes to avoid hitting them. People were coming out of their houses to see what all the commotion was about. We finally caught the dogs and I carried both of the heavy bastards back home. I put Sparky on the back porch behind his gate and every time I'd walk by he'd squint his eyes at me. It was so funny. He's a shepherd/terrier mix (UUGGGLY! So ugly he's CUTE) that we adopted for Stacey's 6 year old nephew from the pound. (BIG MISTAKE)

Tyler lives with Stacey's mom and she doesn't care much for dogs and doesn't want Tyler to have one, but she did tell him one time that he could have a Yorkie. Well, Yorkies are EXPENSIVE.

Tyler fell in love with this one. It's hair was matted up, it was over weight and it could fetch a stick and jump like no dog I'd seen before. He sat on the back on my tailgate with that dog for almost an hour just loving on it.

We were outside for the entire afternoon and no one came by looking for a dog. Tyler really thought he was going to keep "Honey" (he named it)

Well, Sparky got loose again and Honey followed. We ended up chasing them to someones door and up comes this red car. This dopey looking bitch gets out and says, "Come here Dixie!" picks up Tyler's "Honey", gets back in her car and leaves.

Tyler had told me that if someone came saying that was their dog he'd ask for proof. When the lady took "his" dog, his eyes just filled up with tears.

I felt so bad. Tyler had found his dream pet and someone who obviously didn't care for it, took it from him.

But we had to remember it wasn't his dog. It would suck if someone snatched Daisy and the way she looks right now, people would think we didn't care for her either.

We are planning to take him to the pound when we get the money to let him pick out his own dog. I'm looking forward to that.

Anyways, thanks for the supportive comments on my last post. I go up and down every day and I use this as a place to vent sometimes.

Why Bother With A Title

2007-05-07T22:24:00.000-06:00

This blog is nothing but a pit of depression and a waste of internet space. Why would anyone want to get their daily perks here?

It's the week before my period and I'm as miserable as can be. I can't stop dwelling on all the past things I've done to hurt people. Especially when they throw it in my face then when I get up set tell me, "Oh, don't dwell on the past" WTF?

My mother doesn't understand why I want to be with Stacey's family on mother's day. She still won't admit that she was a drunk and had me living with her abusive boyfriends. She still bad mouths my grandmother and NO ONE bad mouths her and expects me to have anything to do with them. I don't believe in talking bad about the dead. Especially a woman to took care of me as a child while mom was off doping it up with her many boyfriends.

But I'm not going to give you my pitiful life story. I'm depressed because it's that time of the month and my chemicals are out of whack. I'll get over it in a day or so.

My Looks

2007-05-04T19:46:00.000-06:00

I'm sitting here with self tanner on and a mixture of eggs and vegetable oil in my hair.

Anything to look better. I'm scared to death of skin cancer because I remember what my grandmother went through when she had it. I do enjoy the sun, but I put on sunscreen on certian parts like my nose and shoulders. I know I sound ignorant for saying this, but I don't think I'm going to get skin cancer anywhere else. My nose and my shoulders burn but I just barely tan everywhere else.

Self tanner, no matter what the bottle says STINKS. I hate that awful smell and ANYONE that gets near you KNOWS what it is. I let it sit for about 5 hours then I take a gentle bath to get rid of the smell.

I darkened my hair a little bit the other day and highlighted it. It's still blonde (I'll always be blonde) but it's more natural looking than the Girls Next Door/Gwen Stefani platnium color. I'll go back to that in the winter.

I don't think I'm dog ass ugly but I ain't no beauty either. But everyone looks better with a little color to their skin and healthy hair. So we'll see what I look like in the morning. LOL

My Celeb Look-Alikes

2007-05-03T21:15:00.000-06:00

http://www.myheritage.com

Social Anxiety

2007-05-03T15:10:00.000-06:00

Out of the many mental illnesses I suffer from, social anxiety affects me the worst. I'm not afraid of people, I'm not afraid to stand in front of a room full of people and speak, I just don't like anyone getting to close to me that I don't know.

Stacey and I went to an auction today and there were about 30 nasty greasy, loud mouth, fat men with sweat pouring off their heads hollering and yelling like a bunch of retards. Their wives were skinny, over tanned and had skin so dry you could literally see the flakes fly off their arms as they moved. They looked like they smoke a carton a day and acted like their shit didn't stink. When they all crowded up to look at the ~~old dusty 1970s rat ate sofa and trash bag of fast food left overs~~ fine merchandise and bid $2500 for it I stood as far from the crowd as possible and the more time went on the angrier I became. Every time one of those lazy fat fucks got near me I wanted to break their face. I really hate people. Not all the time, but sometimes. The mood has to be right.

I was in a mood today. Now I'm home, by myself and I'm content. I have to get out and go to the post office for stamps and my printer ran out of ink. So I have to start making the trips to the PO again to stand in line 2 hours to mail a package.

When I get back, I'll have another depressing post.

People like depressing blogs though. It makes them feel better about themselves to know that someone out there is more miserable than they are. So soak it up people.

Ups and Downs

2007-05-01T19:20:00.000-06:00

I remember my first rage. I don't know what it was about, but I got into trouble over something stupid. Oh I remember. My evil used to be step-mother (for those of you who read Gut Rumbles I'm talking about the BC) found out that I had used her shampoo and she grounded me for 2 weeks. No coming out of my room except to use the bathroom and go to school. I got so mad that I grabbed a bunch of my long hair and cut it all the way down to the scalp. Right on top of my head. I had to wear my hair in a ponytail for months until it grew out. I was about 8 years old.

I've been struggling with uncontrollable mood swings ever since. When I'm under any kind of stress, I lash out at people. When I've been hurt or when someone looks at me the wrong way, I lay in bed and cry for days. When something good happens I get on this weird high where I shop, stay up all night, talk to everyone and have confidence that I normally don't have. That's why I love caffeine. It puts me in one of those highs.

When I look at my bipolar, I don't just have mania and depression. I have many different stages.

I have the down phase where I cry, can't get out of bed, feel suicidal, cry some more, eat a lot, fell hopeless, ugly and worthless.

Then I have the bad mania phase where I drive to fast and just don't give a shit about anything. I'll tell people off that I don't even know, I'll break things, scream, and during this point I really don't care if I get killed or go to jail. I end up getting pulled over by the police a lot during this phase. I also end up going off on the police officer which then lands me in the mental hospital. (They won't take me to jail I guess because they think I'm mentally ill though jail is where I'd rather be than the hospital)

I have the numb phase. Nothing bothers me but I don't feel like doing a damn thing either. Normally I can't STAND a messy house, but during this stage I just sit and stare at the TV, not really watching it. I don't care that my house is a mess, I don't care that my dogs are barking and humping each other, I don't want to talk on the phone, I don't want to eat, shop or do anything. Someone can scream in my face and I won't react.

I have the mania phase. This phase where I feel like I'm high on drugs. I come out of my shyness and talk to everyone. I'm up for anything and I love everybody. I get this weird boost of self-esteem and confidence. I think no one is better than me and that I can do anything.

Then I try to do something and fail and
right
back
down
I
fall
into my depression.

I'm sure this makes some sense to some of you and not to others.

I also thank you all again for the sweet comments and e-mails. I can't decide whether or not to run to Starbucks for an iced latte or just take a bath and lay down.

2007-05-01T19:17:00.000-06:00

Who's Your Inner Pin-Up Girl?

You're" the Wild Pinup Girl!
[You like living life on the edge]
Take this QUIZ

Thanks

2007-04-30T17:08:00.000-06:00

Thanks for all the sweet e-mails and comments on my last post. I have severe ups and downs and I have to vent somewhere. I still don't feel good. I've been depressed all weekend. Surfie, I took the assessment test for the MT and failed so miserably that they sent me an e-mail saying that I should look elsewhere for a career. I scored a 5%. a 75% is required for passing. That was a real kick in the ass. All I know is art and I don't know that very well.

I'm not going to whine and complain today. Stacey is off work again and I'm going to spend some time with her.

I have a bad doctors office experience to tell ya about tomorrow. Until then...thanks everybody. YOU make blogging worthwhile.

Life Sucks

2007-04-27T17:17:00.000-06:00

I'm so fucking tired. I'm tired of struggling everyday. I'm tired of not having any money to pay bills. I'm tired of not being able to work outside of my home. I'm tired of crying for no reason. I'm tired of going off on people for no reason. I'm tired of failing at everything I try to do. I'm tired of not having the hand out opportunities of those in prison and those who just got out and get free schooling and get to enter into free programs for the career of their choice and special training in this and that and I can't. I want to go to school but not only can I not afford it, I was put in special ed because of my bipolar during high school so I have no math skills.

I was exempt from taking any kind of TAAS or SAT type tests and I was exempt from all math classes because they thought something was wrong with me. Now, I'm on 6th grade math level, if even THAT so I can forget nursing school or EMT programs which require a "strong background in math" and which you have to pass a math test in order to be CONSIDERED for acceptance.

Maybe I'm on a feel sorry for myself rant today and I don't care. I'm depressed and I feel hopeless and worthless.

I guess I'll be digging through trash for junk to resell and painting for less than $100 a week for the rest of my life.

I get so nervous and I freak out around people to the point I have a hard time holding down any kind of job where I'm around people. I'll bump my arm or someone will look at me the wring way and I'll just start crying like I'm having some kind of breakdown and end up losing or quitting my job. Meds don't seem to help for THAT. Sure, they treat the anxiety and the mania where I can't sleep and I can't concentrate, but nothing calms the emotions enough.

I may just quit this blog. What's the point? I may just quit selling my art. What's the point in that? I spend more in supplies than what I make.

I hope I wake up tomorrow in a better mood.

I Love It...

2007-04-25T14:59:00.000-06:00

I love it when my bitch in heat decides to piss her diaper, pull out the pad and chew it to shreds so when I wake up to go to the bathroom at 3AM I step in the bloody wet mess.

I love it when I start dancing around the room with wet Maxi stuck to my foot yelling and my little schnauzer puppy just sits there and looks at me like, "whatever idiot"

I just love it...

I love it... No matter how Ruby poses, her snatch is always so BOLD and IN YOUR FACE.

I love it when my little precious princess jumps onto my big lazy boxer's back and starts humping away and 90mph with diaper on and tail sticking straight up in the air...

And I love it when my big lazy boxer just sits there and looks at me with her big eyes and sighs while Daisy Dookie gets her kicks.

I really love it when Stacey throws her turkey leg bones in the trash bag on the floor and and the bitches pull them out and have them strung all over the bedroom floor so I can step on them and cut my foot.

I love it when Ruby sits right in front of her food bowl outside and watches the black birds eat every bit of it, then sit at my feet begging the entire time I'm eating a hamburger.

Did I mention how much I love it when Daisy pisses her diaper? I'm going to have to re-potty train the whore again.

I'm so proud of my two.

My Day

2007-04-24T16:26:00.000-06:00

*We've had bad weather again today. A few tornadoes here and there. None that did much damage though. I believe we're supposed to have more bad weather tonight.

*Our mailman is an ignorant dipshit. If I didn't have packages to be picked up today, we would have never gotten our mail. The doorbell rings around 3:30PM and it's the postman.

He has my 3 packages under his arm and says, "Me need paper I put in your mailbox for dees packages. I made mistake and put in your mailbox. I supposed to keep dat paper."

I said, "We didn't get any mail today."

He looked me up and down grinning like some perv and said, "Uh, no mail? I've been by already. Maybe I didn't put mail in mailbox yet. I go see and come back."

He left and about 1 hour later the doorbell rang again. I saw it was him again and opened the door.

"Here your mail! Heh Heh, I put in wrong mailbox, I put in 307 instead. I had to go back and find it. I sorry." and he handed me the mail, one insurance letter containing my SS# and other personal info.

Nice to know the USPS is right on top of things as usual.

I listed 2 new paintings on Ebay.

I have a headache from hell. I woke up with it and I'll go to bed with it. I refuse to take Tylenol or other over the counters. They don't work so there's no point in gagging myself for no reason. I may take a Vicoden later.

It's funny how Vicoden affects people different. With me, it puts me in this high, happy talkative mood when I'm normally quite shy. Others I know, it knocks them on their ass.

Dead Houses

2007-04-23T16:35:00.000-06:00

Stacey and I went to an auction in the "crack town" part of Fort Worth this morning. I noticed just about every house in that area had the windows boarded up. As I was looking out the window at all of these little boarded up houses it brought back sad memories of my childhood.

When I was about 7 ~~my mother~~ some random unknown stranger set fire to our house and started it in MY bedroom on MY bed. Luckily my mom just happened to be taking all the animals to the vet that day along with having all of my expensive porcelain dolls cleaned, and just by chance she had the scrapbooks and albums of me and her old modeling photos with her too. I don't think insurance ever paid off... A N Y W A Y S... another story another day.

I was at my grandmother's house and my dad was at work. I remember trying to call the house for my mother and the line was busy. I found out why later.

After the fire was out they boarded up the house. As a kid I always thought of the windows on a house as being the house's eyes. So it freaked me out to see boards over the "eyes" as if the house was dead.

Driving down Miller St. today freaked me out, and I still get paranoid when I'm out of town and I call home to check my answering machine and the line is busy.

It's funny how somethings you just never get over.

The Weekend

2007-04-22T22:38:00.000-06:00

Went to Cleburne yesterday to help Stacey's mom with yard work.

Played football with Tyler and did flips on the trampoline which I hadn't done since I was about 12.

I got on a caffeine high today and massive house cleaning.

Scrubbing floors on my hands and knees.

Moving heavy boxes full of tools.

I'm so sore that I can barely move.

My dog is bleeding all over the place even with her diaper on and she's got now where she likes to piss in it. Nasty.

I caught Ruby licking wildly at Daisy bleeding pus this afternoon. Daisy was on her back, legs spread, enjoying it. LESBIAN WHORES! Yuck.

She IS NOT sleeping with me tonight.

The only thing I've had to eat today is a Smoothie Kind and Sonic fried cheese.

I've been that busy.

Why does it take 8 hours before my new listings will show up on Ebay?

That pisses me off.

I think I'll write them.

I ain't in too good of a mood.

Goodnight.

2007-04-20T22:41:00.000-06:00

I've screwed up my layout so I don't know when my page will look right again. I'm about frustrated. When I preview it on Blogger it looks right, but when I view it outside of Blogger, it's all screwed up.

I've changed again

2007-04-20T20:56:00.000-06:00

I know everyone gets tired of me changing my layout but I can't help it. I get bored easily. My moods change every few minutes and I have to keep up.

My Daisy is gnawing away on a corn cob that she's had since this morning. Ruby will come up and try to steal it (she turned her nose up at hers earlier) and Daisy will go into full attack mode. My dogs.

I'm so tired of these mass shootings. There are copycats coming out now because they see how much media attention this last one has gotten. I say lets focus more on the victims and quit showing that pucks face every 5 minutes. Who cares about HIS life. Quit giving him his fame because all the other nutzos out there craving attention are going to follow in his footsteps. Someone at NASA just killed someone and then himself.

I need to cut my bangs. They touch my nose. I've been trying to let them grow out but I can't take it anymore. My eyes itch.

I'm going to watch MASH. Good night.

Idiot

2007-04-19T23:02:00.000-06:00

I'm a real idiot. I was wondering why the post I wrote earlier hadn't shown up on the blog. Well, I posted it under an old blog that I had created a long time ago and never posted on. I'm really losing my mind. I'll have something important, a doctors appointment card or a bill that I have to pay and I'll put it somewhere and say to myself, "I'm not going to forget this so I'm putting it here." and what do I do, I forget what I did with it. I'm too young to be having memory problems like I do.

I also get bored too easy. I go insane when I have nothing to do. Thank God I paint. But when I run out of materials and have no money for gas or supplies it really sucks.

Stacey and I went to a storage auction today and bought a unit. It had dog crates and an antique china hutch. Hopefully we can make some money off the stuff.

I caught my precious and innocent Ruby (the boxer) with her arms around Daisy humping the shit out of her. I was so disgusted. I expect that out of Daisy, but Ruby...no. Ruby has been sniffing Daisy's pus ever since she went into heat. I guess it turned her on. EWWWWW. Dogs will be dogs though. Whores.

I love Big Lots. Target has this shabby chic style quilt that I've been wanting for so long but it's $99. I can't afford that. We went to Big Lots between auctions today and I saw a quilt VERY similar for $20 and the shams were included! They aren't with the one at Target. And not only that, the name of that style quilt was called Samantha. Couldn't resist. I feel so floral and girly laying in my bed now. Hopefully Daisy won't bleed all over it. I can't keep her out of the bed at night. Bitch.

It's 12:10am. Stacey should be off work by now. I guess I'll go call her. Since I had my daily Starbucks fix about 9pm (REALLY smart since I like to go to bed around 11.) I had to take a couple of Klonopin. I sure hope that kicks in soon. I need to get up early and go grocery shopping. My ~~spoiled whores~~ babies are out of food.

My Mom & Dad

2007-04-17T20:08:00.000-06:00

I've always loved this picture. It was taken in I believe 1980.

This is my mom & dad.

Daisy in Diapers

2007-04-17T19:18:00.000-06:00

Ever see things sometimes that are so cute that it makes you want to barf? I think this photo falls into that category.

Tuesday

2007-04-17T15:22:00.000-06:00

It's been a nasty rainy day today. I went go get art supplies this morning while Stacey took Angie to get her car. I feel ugly and disgusting today. I'm depressed and don't want to do anything. I may ride down to Starbucks and get me a coffee. That always perks me up.

I know why I'm depressed. I woke up this morning and turned on the TV. The first thing showing was the VT killings. They had a victims brother talking on the news. I flipped the station and the E True Hollywood Story of Andrea Yates was on. I went into the other room to paint some but couldn't seem to drown out the voice of her husband talking about the kids and what a wonderful wife she was. Ehh. Then after that they had something on about murders in prison who get fan mail from these nutcase woman. Murder someone and become a loved and wanted celebrity. Yeah. The next station just had more on the Virginia Tech killings. I had just about as much as I could take. So the TV is now off and won't come back on until 11PM when The Girls Next Door reruns come on.

I'm debating...Do I really want to get out in the rain to drive 3 miles to the nearest Starbucks? or do I want to sit inside and mope the rest of the afternoon?

I'm going for some coffee.

Portfolio

2007-04-16T18:41:00.000-06:00

I have signed up for EBSQ. You can see all of my art work and it gives you a link to my Ebay as well as a lovely photo of me! Yuck.

Go HERE.

Another Day

2007-04-16T15:17:00.000-06:00

Daisy is in her cycle full mode now. I woke up this morning with blood all over my fresh clean white sheets. Blood was also all over the blanket on the living room sofa that she slept on last night. Stacey went to Petsmart and bought her a doggie diaper. So she's wearing that with a pantyliner inside. I've been calling around to local vets getting prices on spaying/neutering and it's ridiculous. The cheapest I've found in town is $120 just for the surgery. That's not including the blood work etc. I'm going to call the SPCA and see if I can get her in there. Maybe Ruby too.

I don't understand how vets can send letter to your house preaching to you to get your pets fixed then go and charge outrageous prices for doing it. Not everyone is rich.

Anyway...I used the Click n Ship online to purchase and ship my packages today for the first time! I was really excited when the mailman came to my door to pickup my packages! I really thought he'd drive right on by, but I guess they got the message. I'm going to save me every other day trips to the post office this way. I actually pulled my postal scale out of someone's trash and it's very accurate. This really helps for large packages. Normally I use the automated scale at the post office but when I have a large package I end up standing in line for up to an hour. YAY! No more lines!

I finished another pendant today. I'm tempted to keep this one for myself.

Damage

2007-04-14T20:31:00.000-06:00

I could make up a really good story and say I took these photos myself...but I didn't. I did see the damage up close and personal today.

Stacey, Angie and I drove through Haltom City this afternoon to assess the damage. We drove past this little church and what's left of it. (I snagged these photos from the NBC5 website)

A Man was killed at this lumber yard.

I'm just thankful Arlington wasn't hit.

I Survived

2007-04-13T21:01:00.000-06:00

You can read about the lovely storms HERE. Thank God we weren't affected.

My allergies are bothering me so bad that I can't breathe. I think I'm going to lay down for a while. I don't feel well.

50 Random Questions

2007-04-13T19:32:00.000-06:00

50 Off The Wall Questions

Another from Cori

1. What color is your shirt?White

2. Do You own An Ipod? Yes

3. What Person On Your Top (My Space friends I'm assuming) Do You Talk To The Most? Kim

4.What Time Is Your Alarm Clock Set To? 2;30 PM

6. Do you wear flip flops when it's cold out? Sometimes

7. Would you rather take the pic or be in it? Doesn't matter

8. What Was The Last Movie You Watched? Rocky Balboa

9. Do Any Of Your Friends Have Children? My Space friends? Yes

10. Has Anyone Ever Called You Lazy? Who hasn't been called lazy sometime in their life?

11. Do You Ever Take Medication To Help You Fall Asleep? Yes

12. What Cd Is Currently In Your Cd Player? A mix of random music

13. Do You Prefer Regular Or Chocolate Milk? Depends on the mood

14. Has anyone told you a secret this week? Nope

15. When Was The Last Time You Had Starbucks? Today

16. Can You Whistle? Not well

18. Do You Think People Talk About You Behind Your Back? I know they do...I'm paranoid...I take medicine for it!

19. Did You Watch Cartoons As A Child? Uh, yeah

20. What Movie Do You Know Every Line To? Fried Green Tomatoes & Forest Gump

23. Do You Own Any Band T-Shirts? Yes

24. What Is Your Favorite Salad Dressing? Ranch

25. Is Anyone In Love With You? I hope so

26. Do You Do Your Own Dishes? Yes

27. Ever Cry In Public? Yep

28. Are You On A Desktop Computer Or A Lap Top? Desktop

29. Are You Currently Wanting Any Piercings Or Tattoo? No, I have enough tattoos (2) and I don't care to have any unnatural holes in my body (other than my ears)

30. Whats The Weather Like? Tornadoes, rain, hail and wind (It's Texas)

31. Would You Ever Date Anyone Covered In Tattoos? Yuck

33. When Was The Last Time You Slept On The Floor? It's been a while

34. How Many Hours Of Sleep Do You Need To Function? 5

35. Do You Eat Breakfast Daily? I rarely eat breakfast

36. Are Your Days Full And Fast Paced? No

38. Do you use sarcasm? Naaah

40. Are You Picky About Spelling And Grammar? No

41. Have You Ever Been To Six Flags? I live down the street from it, of course.

43. Do You Get Along Better With The Same Sex Or The Opposite? The Same

44. Do You Like Mustard? No

45. Do You Sleep On Your Side, Stomach Or Back? Depends on how Miss Daisy is sleeping. Last night I slept on my side with my head off the bed and a cramp in my neck while Daisy slept on my pillow on her back, teeth showing grinning big, legs straight up in the air, snoring loud and smelling bad. I love my animals.

46. Do you watch the news? Mostly local. The rest pisses me off too bad to watch.

47. How Did You Get Your Scars? Some self inflicted, some from a sever case of poison ivy acquired from geocaching a few years ago.

48. Who Was The Last Person To Make You Mad? Stacey

49. Do You Like Anybody? What do you mean by like? Yes I like someone.

50. What Is The Last Thing You Purchased? Starbucks Latte

Weather

2007-04-13T17:12:00.000-06:00

We are now under a tornado warning. Rotation has been spotted in Fort Worth. Great. It's not even raining here yet. It is windy and the sky is a weird color. I need to get my bleeding boxer in the house. I guess I'll put her in the kitchen. I hate Texas weather. Tomorrow it will be sunny and warm.

Texas Weather

2007-04-13T14:54:00.000-06:00

The weather is supposed to turn bad in the next couple of hours. The news says that tornadoes and baseball size hail is likely. I love thunderstorms, but when the tornado sirens go off I get terrified. We'll just have to see.

I just got back from Starbucks. I'm drinking a Dolce De Leche Latte or something-or-nother. Whatever it is, it's good. I'm funny when it comes to drugs. I've tried pot and it has absolutely no effect on me at all, but give me a latte or an energy drink, ANYTHING with a considerable amount of caffeine and my whole mood changes and my energy level gets really high. It sends me into the manic phase of bipolar. The good manic phase.

Stacey finally got her an Ipod and we spend the afternoon transferring all of her favorite CD's onto it. Now she has something to listen to at work. I'm listening to mine now. Sultans of Swing is the first on my playlist. I think of my dad when I hear this song.

After I post this, I'm going to upload some more of my artwork into my paintings page. So check it out when you get a chance. I should have quite a bit more art on there in about an hour.

I want to put a photo album on here so my 4 loyal readers can see all the people I talk about on here. Sometimes it makes reading something a little more interesting and easier when you have a good mental picture of the people your reading about. I have tons of photos of the boys (Stacey's nephews) but not too many of me and Stacey.

Going to work on my art page now. Hopefully my computer won't die on me in this storm!

Thursday

2007-04-12T14:29:00.000-06:00

I'm a fucking idiot! I looked at the wrong date on the calendar. My doctor's appointment was Wednesday. I thought is was today. So now they'll charge me $50 which I just don't have to give to the already rich Dr. So I don't know when I'll go back. I haven't been taking my meds anyway. I guess when I hit bottom again, I'll start back up. Now that my PMS is over, I haven't been as depressed.

I'm almost finished with the 24X36" painting that I am working on for someone. I'm really excited about it. When I first started painting it, I was a little afraid it wouldn't turn out the way I had in mind. But now that I've got the cats in there and the accents, I'm very satisfied. I just hope the nice lady purchasing it is as pleased as I am. That's what matters.

SHIPPING the big bastard will be the hard part! I'm not sure whether to go through UPS or the USPS.

Onto other things...

I'm so glad Larry Burkhead is the father of Anna Nicole's baby.

I don't listen to Don Imus and probably never will, but I think people are WAY over reacting to his "racial" comments. I hear 10 times worse comments about black women in today's rap music but we'll never see an uproar over that. Reverse racism rules the world today. Martin Luther King preached equality. I take his speech as meaning EQUALITY for all. Black & white alike...And anyways, the dude apologized and promised to tone his show down some. Give him another chance. If we all were fired from our jobs for offending someone, we would have no economy. Let him try again. If he makes another remark like that, THEN fire him.

Everyone deserves a second chance. Well...most people.

I wonder what my dad would have said about this crap. Oh wait, I already know.

Better Day

2007-04-11T11:20:00.000-06:00

I'm having a better day today.

Stacey's sister Angie is spending the day with us. Her and Stacey are at Thrift Town. She goes back to the HH at 6pm.

I watched The Girls Next Door last night. I didn't realize that Kendra has really REALLY bad skin! On her face and back! She's still hot.

I've finally started getting the house clean.

I have two more paintings listed on Ebay.

I'm going to be starting a huge painting today and I can't wait. It's already sold.

I finally started. The extreme moods are over for now, hopefully.

Bad Day

2007-04-10T16:15:00.000-06:00

I've had a rough day. It's the week before I start and everything is going wrong for me. I've been upset since Sunday. Being around Stacey's family makes me realize what I'm missing out on not having my own. I rarely speak to my mother (she has her own problems) my dad is dead and all of my aunts and uncles live in Georgia and I don't speak to them much. I never really had siblings growing up. Quinton was 4 when I moved to Texas so I don't know him. I didn't get a call from anyone wishing me happy Easter.

Stacey's family is the only family I have but I know that when it comes down to it, if something happened between Stacey and I that I would no longer be family. If I screwed up, I loose them. If Stacey screws up, she doesn't loose them. It's not REAL family. It just sucks knowing that if I were in jail, no one would send ME money, if I ended up on the street no one would take ME in, if I really needed someone I'm tough out of luck because I don't have anyone other than Stacey.

I haven't taken my meds in 3 weeks now. Maybe I need to start back. I saw my therapist today and she said my moods have something to do with my period too. She says just to stay to myself during those days. Easy for her to say. I didn't make another appointment since the receptionist didn't notice me standing at the window for 10 minutes while she was on the phone so I just left. I'll probably never go back. I see my Dr. on Thursday.What do I tell her? I haven't been taking my pills? She'll tell me, "we'll, there's nothing I can do for you if you won't take your medication." and she's right.

My head hurts so bad. I've painted some but I get agitated and have to stop every few minutes to walk around the house or eat something. I still need to unpack everything from our trip. That wore me out.

I have 20 candles burning throughout the house and it still smells like Ruby shit. I couldn't leave her outside in the cold for 3 days. I'd rather come home to a house full of shit than a dead dog. I HAVE to get her fixed. I can't stand making her stay outside while she's on her "cycle". She sits and cries at the back door and all I can do is go outside every now and then and play with her. She just doesn't understand why she can't come in with Daisy. Poor Ruby.

Enough for now. I'm going to get my clothes out of the washer.

We're Back!

2007-04-09T19:04:00.000-06:00

Our Easter weekend, our 3 days camping trip and it SNOWS! It never snows in Texas!

It was 3 days of freezing cold weather cramped up in a 20' trailer with 5 adults 2 kids and 3 dogs.

We played Spongebob Monopoly and watched Rocky movies. I'll post more later. Now I have to clean up Ruby's shit and period blood from the kitchen floor.

Camping Trip

2007-04-05T14:03:00.000-06:00

We're leaving for our camping trip late tonight when Stacey gets off work. I have most everything packed. We took the camper down to the spot this morning for Stacey's family. It's supposed to be cold. I was really hoping to get some sun. I have all mine and Stacey's snacks packed. I refuse to share chips with Stacey's sister who lets her 6 year old, booger picking brat (I love him don't get me wrong) stick his filthy hands in the food. I don't know how the sleeping arrangements are going to go. There is Stacey's brother who is 24, Stacey's mom, Stacey's sister, me, Stacey, Stacey's 9 year old nephew and Stacey's sister's 6 year old booger picker. We'll be cramped but it should be fun.

We got Daisy a new dress. I'll have to post a photo before I leave. She was out at the campsite today running full speed through the blue bonnets. I wish I'd had a camera then. She ran so fast her ass started going faster than the rest of her and she went into front flips though the grass.

I also have some more paintings listed. I will not be checking Ebay or my e-mails while I'm gone so if someone wants to bid on something while I'm gone, it would be a nice surprise when I got back!

This is my latest:

Survey

2007-04-04T17:36:00.000-06:00

Another Survey from Cori

PERSONAL SURVEY...The Most Personal Quiz, Ever Hmmm...We'll see.

Who were you with last night? Stacey and the dogs

What woke you up this morning? Stacey and the dogs

Where are you? In my bedroom

Did you kiss or hug anyone today? yes

When was the last time you cried? Last night (I was scared of the tornadoes!)

-The PAST-

Ever thrown up in public? Nope

Passed out because of alcohol? Yes

Who's on your mind RIGHT NOW? My Ruby...She started her period today and had to stay outside.

Would you take a bullet for anyone? For Stacey or my great grandmother

Where would you like to live? On some beach

What kind of home would you like? I like Cori's answer..."one that's paid off"

What do you want to be when you grow up? I never will grow up

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Who the hell knows

I'm skipping the Myspace part since I'm not posting this on Myspace

IN GENERAL

When was the last time you fell over or ran into something? I tripped over the vacuum cleaner AND Stacey's shoes this morning. I tripped over Daisy last night.

Do you listen to music everyday? Yep

What was the last thing you ate? Yogurt

Are you a fast typist?Yes

About how many people have you liked? Liked? Like in have a crush on, or just generally liked?...No answer

what are you doing this weekend? Going camping at Lake Whitney

What’s your favorite type of SODA? Dr. Pepper

Whats your LEAST favorite SODA? Big Red...Tasted like carbonated cough syrup ( I know some who have said that about Dr. pepper too!)

Have you ever won an award?Yes

What is your favorite sound?The ocean

Are you listening to music right now? No, I'm listening to the neighbors car alarm that JUST WON'T STOP! and...the looser teenagers next door who get their jollies off of tantalizing my dogs, and the baseball game that's going on at the park behind my house...

Do you like someone right now?Yes

What’s a quote that you love?"Insanity - a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world."

How long 'til your birthday?A while...January

When were you the saddest in your whole life? Over the last couple of years when everyone I know seemed to die on me

What time is it? 6:54pm

What time do you want it to be? Noon Friday

What makes you mad? Again, I like Cori's answer "stupid people breeding"

Have you ever had a song written about you? No

What song makes you cry?I've never cried to a song

What song makes you happy? Listen to the Music-the doobie brothers

Do you have a job?Guess you can call it that

If you were a crayon what color would you be? I REALLY like Cori's answer on this one "the most used one"

What makes you happy? Painting

What’s the next CD you're gonna get? I don't buy CD's

[Height:] 5'2"
[Hair:] blond
[Eye Color:] blue
[Wearing right now?] Dr. Pepper Junk Food Shirt & Levis
[What taste is in your mouth?] Blueberry yogurt?
Word to describe 2007? It's not far enough in to it yet

Favorite colors in 2006? pink and green
Summer 2006? Hot
Honestly, do you miss 2006? Nope

Wednsday

2007-04-04T16:28:00.000-06:00

I changed my haircolor last night. I went from platinum blond to more of a honey blond and I love it. I look more...real now.

We are leaving for our camping trip at Lake Whitney tomorrow evening sometime. It's supposed to be cloudy and cool. No sun for me.

While I was all alone watching House last night, the news interrupted saying there was a tornado warning for Tarrant County and a wall cloud with rotation had been spotted right off the road I live on! Then it started hailing the size of quarters. I thought someone was trying to break my window it was so loud. The tornado sirens went off and the TV started buzzing. The weatherman came back on and said those living in MY AREA should take cover immediately. Of course I stayed right in my bed on the telephone to EVERYONE in a lightning storm. Eventually the clouds broke up and the storm faded away, but it left us with a cold front that is going to make camping uncomfortable. I hate being outdoors when it's cold. Dammit.

I dreamed about tornadoes and hail last night.

I won't be blogging much after tomorrow. I won't be back home until late Monday evening.

Tuesday

2007-04-03T15:27:00.000-06:00

I have my large painting listed now. You can see it OR BID ON IT here.

Stacey's 9 year old nephew got two teeth pulled today. While at the dentists office, his blood pressure got so high that the alarms went off and he had to be taken to Cook's Children's Medical Center. He ended up okay thank God. He was so terrified of going to the dentist that he stressed over it for weeks.

I'm working on some mini paintings that I hope to get listed this week. I'm bored.

New Therapist

2007-04-02T20:29:00.000-06:00

I went to my appointment with my new therapist this morning. She was nice. An older lady with a PhD. She confirmed that I was bipolar and not just moody. I told her that I occasionally take hydrocodone as an anti-anxiety drug during stressfull or crowded situations (maybe one or two pills a week) and she said that was okay as long as I wasn't abusing them.

I haven't taken my Depakote and Zoloft in 4 days now. I haven't felt any different and I haven't lost any weight. I plan to start back tonight. I told her my fears of Depakote (thanks Livey..lol) and she told me that it takes a while for liver damage to occur and that severe liver damage is rare and that I should talk to the Dr. about it. I go back to the Dr. Thurday.

Our camping trip is this weekend. Stacey will pull the camper down Thursday morning for her sister and mother and we'll come down either Thursday night or Friday morning. Stacey is working nights again but she has a 4 day weekend coming up. I plan to get some sun. I'm also thinking about trying a new hair color...

I went to Hobby Lobby today for canvas (they had it 25% off) and bought a large 24" X 12" piece with 1.5" thick sides. I painted 10 cats at a table behind a long sub sandwich. It's something I would hang in my kitchen. That size canvas is a little pricey so I'm going to have to start my bid higher, but I think this one will sell. I'll post it here tomorrow. I'm letting the varnish dry now. I've worked on it all day!! Anyway... I was on the jewelry making isle when some young guy asked me if my hair was naturally that color. I told him no and he told me I would be lucky if it was. The girl at Wal-Greens commented on it the other day. I'm a little tired of the Gwen Stefani blonde and I'm thinking of going a little darker. Still blonde, but more honey blond rather than platnium.

I'm just rambling on...

I've gained so much weight and I love it. I wouldn't mind toning up a bit and losing the little gut, but my breast size has increased greatly (and so has my ass) Before I started the Depakote I weighed about 105 lbs. Now I'm a good 117. Now I meet the weight requirements to give blood! I guess, unless it's changed since I worked there in 1997. It used to be 117 lbs.

Enough blogging for tonight. I'm going to finish cleaning house, put one more coat of varnish on my painting, light the scented oils I got at Hobby Lobby and take a hot bath. THEN I'm going to bed.

Good night to my 4 loyal readers.

Garage Sales

2007-04-01T19:44:00.000-06:00

Stacey and I had another garage sale. This time in Cleburne at Stacey's sisters. We did pretty good.

Some people though. We had a set with a pretty floral toothbrush holder, 2 cups (all porcelin) and shower curtian rings (all of them) for $1. This old bitty came up and picked up each piece, counted all the rings, picked up each piece again, looked at front and back and said, "this cup has a chip, will you take 25 cents for everything?" WTF? Stacey said NO and the woman turned her nose up and left. I went over and the chip was about the size of a pin head on the bottom of one of the cups. It wasn't 5 minutes later another woman saw the set and bought it for $1 with no hesitation. Go buy that set brand new at Kohls and see what you'd pay. $12.99 per cup and $9.99 for the shower curtian rings. Also, none of the items had been used! Cleburne has a bunch of old snots who think they're too good for anything. We did have a lot of friendly people come to the sale too.

We went to the mall today and bought a few things. Big Lots had RL t-shirts for $5.00 so we bought a few. I got a Cheerios shirt for $5 that once sold on Ebay for $15.00. I'm keeping it for myself though.

We're going camping next weekend so I got some cheap tank tops and flip flops.

Also, Daisy (our mini schnauzer) humps Ruby (our boxer) to the point that it's really starting to annoy EVERYONE. She does it in the bed while I'm trying to sleep and it rocks the bed. She goes at it off and on for as long as an hour. Ruby just looks up and sighs while Daisys going to town on her back. She's 6 months old, not fixed and a female? Will getting her fixed solve this?

Friday

2007-03-30T07:58:00.000-06:00

Stacey was off work again yesterday so we went to Cleburne to take some furniture that we plan to sell in our garage sale Saturday. (if it doesn't rain) We'll be going back tonight to spend the night.

I don't feel good this morning. I woke up and my eyes are swollen and I have a headache. I have a hangover from nothing. I blame my meds.

Other than that, not much going on. It stormed yesterday but I think for the most part, it's over. I love a good thunderstorm.

Quiz

2007-03-28T17:00:00.000-06:00

You May Be a Bit Antisocial...

Antisocial? That may be a bit of an understatement.
You think rules are meant to be broken - and with gusto!
Having no fear, you don't even think about consequences.
But people love you anyway... you've got a boatload of charm.

What Personality Disorder Are You?

Top 12 Most Dangerous States

2007-03-28T16:29:00.000-06:00

#1 Nevada
#2 New Mexico
#3 Arizona
#4 Maryland
#5 Tennessee
#6 South Carolina
#7 Alaska
#8 Florida
#9 California
#10 Louisiana
#11 Michigan
#12 My lovely State of Texas

Your state not in the top 12? See where is ranks here.

Another Day

2007-03-28T14:24:00.000-06:00

Stacey and her sister went to Shreveport to spend the day (and their money) and I'm at home, bored once again.

I'm in this anxious mood where I can't sit still but I can't get into doing anything either because I get bored with it. I'm trying to force myself to go screw around in my art room because I'll usually find something to keep my attention there.

I took at long hot bath earlier. Since our water heater in 23 years old, I boiled to large pots of water with lavender oil. I ran my bath water as hot as I could get it (which isn't very hot-that's where the boiling water comes in) I added a half bottle of bubble bath, sea salts with other sea ingredients in it, more bath oil, lavender salts and lit some candles. I put on the relaxing music and soaked. Then I washed my hair, got out, and right back on the computer.

Whatta day.

Tuesday

2007-03-27T21:36:00.000-06:00

Stacey took off work and we spent the day thrift store shopping. I found 2 pair of shorts for around $2 each and a rack to put our DVDs on. Most of my clothes come from thrift stores and I'm not ashamed of that at all. I don't NEED any new clothes. I have plenty of clothes and if I really wanted to, I could go to the mall and buy nice new clothes, but I prefer a deal. I like cheap. I don't have a ton of money so if I can a name brand pair of shorts for $2 that look brand new rather that at retail for $35, why not?

And just a random observation today. We went to the Salvation Army to look around. MY GOD. They had some old beat up dresser that had wood missing off the top and they wanted $300 for it!! I couldn't believe the prices in that place! They are mark their shit way ABOVE new retail price. We saw the bike (a smaller version) that we bought for Stacey's nephew 2 Christmas' ago. We paid $75 for the large bike at Wal-Mart. Salvation Army had the small one dirty and worn out for $129! WTF? They need a sign out front that says "BOHIC" (Bend over here it comes)

(Got that one from dad)

I also bathed both dogs. I don't know what Daisy's problem is but she humps constantly. Anytime Ruby is sitting still she jumps on her back and bangs away. It's really funny to watch. (Ruby is a boxer and Daisy is a 7 lb miniature schnauzer) She's done it ever since we got her. Dogs are strange.

Stacey is asleep. I don't think she's going to work tomorrow either. She needs a break. She's in a lot of pain from the work she does and I enjoyed spending the day with her today.

I ate boiled shrimp and a Mexican cocktail from Hook Line & Sinker, my favorite seafood restaurant in town. I know I can't eat fried seafood, but I didn't think the boiled stuff would bother me. I don't know if it was that or the cocktail, but I've been in such horrible pain. I feel like there is a hot iron in my stomach. It last for hours. I ate that around 4pm and I'm still hurting so bad I can't sleep. It's so bad that when I stand up my legs get week and I feel like I'm going to pass out. I have no idea what's causing it and it's only seafood that does it. My favorite food of all. I'm cursed.

I've been painting a lot lately. I've been so down. My best friend Kim is banned by her family from visiting with me because of my mental problems. Because I cut myself, I must automatically be violent toward others. Kim is 40 years old but because she doesn't have a vehicle, she's stuck at her mothers 3 hours away.

A whole different story I'll get into some other time. Anyway, painting takes away all of my negative thoughts. It's very therapeutic. Selling it is also great. To think that there are people out there all over the world with my artwork hanging on their walls and in their shops is very rewarding. I'm thinking of painting one soon for charity. Maybe for the SPCA. Definitely something animal related.

I didn't take my meds tonight. Livey has scared me into not taking the Depakote. (She's only looking out for me :) I've heard other horror stories about Depakote and liver damage and now that she's told me hers, I'm calling me doctor and asking for something else. Anyway, I like to drink occasionally and I take pain medication that also effects the liver.

Okay, I'm going to bed now. Night all.

Our Local News

2007-03-26T11:22:00.000-06:00

Sheriff: A&M Student's Body Cooked On Grill

Woman Shot Repeatedly In Face, Shoulder

Car Thief Missing From Prison

Dallas Officer Dies In Shootout Following Car Chase

Just to brighten your day.

Today

2007-03-26T08:09:00.000-06:00

I filled all of my precriptions yesterday. I only took 2 home because I didn't have $60 to pay for them all at one time. I have enough depakote to last a few more days and I really don't need the sleeping pill as long as I have the klonopin which I took 2 of last night along with Xanax because I couldn't sleep. I have somewhat of a headache this morning, but I slept without waking up once! So I started my Zoloft last night. Only 1/2 a pill since I'm sensitive to some meds. So right now I'm taking"

1500mg of Depakote once a day
25mg of Zoloft once a day (but that will increase to 50mg in 3 days if I'm tolerating it well)
.5mg of the Klonopin twice a day ot as needed
2mg of Lunesta which I don't take because I had such bed hallucinations to ambien that I'm afraid to try this one.

I still need to get my blood work done to make sure the Depakote isn't destroying my liver too bad. They screwed it up so bad last time and I really don't feel like going back.

I HATE taking pills. They end up stuck somewhere in my chest and it's a very uncomfortable feeling for about 30 minutes. Ughg.

I think I'm going back to bed.

My Dad

2007-03-25T09:15:00.000-06:00

Stevie has been doing such a wonderful job at repost some of my dad's best on his blogsite. I read his old posts and laugh. He had such a way with words. Like this one...

IT ALL FIT ~Originally published November 18, 2004~

I have everything I'm taking to Costa Rica packed into one bag. This is good. I ain't taking a whole lot with me, but I think I've still got more than I need. I am ready to go tomorrow.

I went by and had a nice visit with my mama today. She and my grandmother think I am very handsome now that I have a short haircut and no beard anymore. Awww... they love me even when I'm ugly.

I arrived back home this afternoon and had a typical polite, articulate message from Recondo 32 on my machine: "Hey, asshole! Turn off the porno movie, get your cock out of your paw and stop jacking off. Pick up the goddam phone, shit-bird!" See how MY FRIENDS talk to me? No wonder I'm so depressed all the time.

I watched a movie that had a hysterical woman in it. If I were a feminist, that kind of shit would piss me off. EVERY movie that has action and violence in it features at least one hysterical woman, you know, the one who goes to screaming pieces at the sight of blood, who can't see through the torrents of tears streaming from her eyes, who walks backward, trembling with fright and whimpering like a whipped dog, until she bumps into something she didn't see and screams some more.

What kind of message does that send? I AM WOMAN! Hear me WHINE and watch me act with the maturity and intelligence of a three year-old boy in a crisis situation. Got Dam! I can't call 'em "broads" anymore, because that's a sexist term. But Hollywood keeps showing hysterical wimmen by the truckload. Go figure.

I got a holiday greeting card from the US Post Office today. Why? What am I going to do if I DON'T receive that greeting card? Take my business elsewhere for home mail? What a useless gesture. How much did that shit cost?

I almost signed up for an internet dating service today. I chickened out at the last minute, mainly because I'm leaving the country tomorrow, and I want to be around to see what kind of fucked-up woman might be interested in ME when I post the bio I composed especially for the ad. Yeah, I like candle-lit dinners, long walks on the beach and taxidermy. You oughta see my stuffed armadillo collection.

I may have a guest blogger posting while I'm gone. I dared him, and he SAYS he has cast-iron balls. We'll see. He has the keys to the joint.

You gonna miss me while I'm gone???

I miss you now dad.

NO MORE GROUPS!

2007-03-24T07:03:00.000-06:00

Stacey's sister is in a halfway house. She gets an 8 hour pass today. They will add on 2 extra hours if a family member attends 2 hours of group with her. So being the good sister-in-law that I am, I'm going so she can go down to the camp site and stay until 10pm. I don't know if I want to go to the campsite tonight or not. I know I need to get out but sometimes I get in these moods where I just want to be kept up in the house and paint.

We'll see. If I don't post for the rest of the day, you'll know where I'm at.

Therapists

2007-03-23T12:36:00.000-06:00

I went to see my psych Dr today. I really see a nurse. She's this tall skinny lesbian who dresses like a boy in polo shirts and khakis. She's nice and seems to understand my fear of new meds. She told me is was MANDATORY that I call a therapist before our next visit. So I picked one off the list (my last one was a ding bat) and made an appointment. I go on the 2nd. She also put me on Zoloft. I took that back when I was 16 but I can't remember what effects it had. If I remember right, there were none, but we'll see.

Stacey and I are going to pull the camper down for Stacey's mom and sister. They want to camp this weekend even though it's supposed to be rainy and nasty. I can see it now. Grandma, Stacey's sister who lets her kid do whatever he wants whenever he wants, a pouty lazy 9 year old who whines all the time and the wild kid who never stops cramped up inside a small RV for 2 days. But they insist. We're not going since Stacey has to work tomorrow.

I hope they all have fun though. I think I'll get some housework done, paint some and hang out with Stace and the animals.

My newest piece...

I have it listed on Ebay but it hasn't shown up in the search yet. The item # is 190095879630 so if you type that the search in it may pull up.

I love painting the folk people! I went to the craft store for more canvas today. I can't afford to buy the high dollar 1.5 thick edge canvas so I'm making do with the panels. It's the artwork that counts, not the canvavs type. I've put satin rope hangers on the back so they hang without a frame. I like the flat art.

Randomness

2007-03-22T11:22:00.000-06:00

I'm listening to the Doobie Brothers Listen To The Music. I like that song. For some reason it lifts my mood.

I've been painting all morning and haven't done a damn thing around the house.

I'm going to visit my best friend Kim next Tuesday in Waxahachie.

I just accidentally stepped on my dog while dusting off the TV. I didn't hurt her but I still feel like shit. She loves me so much and I wouldn't ever want her to think that I hurt her purposely.

I'm down in the dumps because a lot of my old childhood friends have really made something out of their lives and are having fun and look great. I'm a big depressed nothing.

Every time I hear Jimmy Buffet on the Radio I think of my dad.

The one chore I hate more than any other is unloading the dishwasher. Give me a toilet brush and a shit stained commode any day.

I love raw oysters. Every time I eat them I wish I was back in Savannah, on the coast.

Wal-Mart's CEO got a 2 million dollar bonus this year. The hard working $7-10/hr floor employees got less than a $1,200 bonus. The Co-managers who work 70hr weeks and are salary paid got a $4,000-$8,000 bonus .

The rich get richer, the poor get taken care of and the middle class, well, their fucked.

I used to be a gymnast/cheerleader/majorette. I could back flip all the way across someone's front yard and I never ran out of energy.

That was 10 years ago.

I'm 24 and I can barely get out of bed in the mornings I hurt so bad from doing nothing.

I visit my Dr. tomorrow. I still haven't had my blood work done and I don't care anymore. She can put me on something else. The only thing this Depakote is doing for me anymore is giving me the shits.

Yes, I'm depressed today.

Today

2007-03-21T12:49:00.000-06:00

I had a bad night last night. I was either too hot or too cold. I slept with me head at the foot of the bed and couldn't stop shaking. I thought it was because I was cold but as soon as I covered up I would start sweating. So I put a light blanket over me and positioned myself in front of the fan. I shook off and on all night. I had to use the bathroom every few minutes. I was miserable. I had a few bad moments this morning of crying for no reason but I feel somewhat better now.

I'm eating a Cesar salad and browsing Myspace. I also completed a painting this morning. I'll probably list it on Ebay tomorrow.

I'm watching The Simple Life rerun where they're making sausages. Lol

Stacey and I may go to Cleburne tonight to look at camping spots. She was supposed to do that yesterday but it got too late.

I'm going to wash my hair.

Depressed

2007-03-20T15:53:00.000-06:00

I've been so down today that I have a hard time staying out of the bed. I have no energy and every time I stand up my head spins. I've been crying for no reason. Stacey went out to Whitney to look for camping spots and I decided to stay home. I don't feel like doing a damn thing.

I don't want to paint, I don't want to watch TV and eating is a chore. I can't sleep either. I wish this down phase would pass. I'd much rather be manic. At least today.

I've been browsing Myspace some more and have found lots of people that would shit bricks if they knew I was looking at their profile. An old boss of mine! LOL! Her and her wannabe sexy pics.

A lot of bloggers don't like Myspace, but I think it's fun.

Bad Night

2007-03-20T08:03:00.000-06:00

I was up off and on all night going to the bathroom. I don't know what I ate but I'd be lying in bed and just cramp up. I'd be in so much pain that I'd crawl into a fetal position and cry. Then I'd get up and go to the bathroom where I would have horrible diareaha and more unbearable cramps. I've had this off and on since I started taking the depakote so that may be the problem.

I need to get up and get my bloodwork retaken so she can up the Depakote. I like the weight gaining side effect since I have gained about 10 lbs since taking it, but I'm too down in the dumps today to get out of the house.

My dogs are fighting with one another. My boxer lets Daisy (the mini schnauzer) beat up on her and she just sits there. My poor Ruby. The groomers already told us that Daisy needs "some work" on her behavior. She's a wild one.

What Classic Pin Up Are You?

2007-03-19T11:16:00.000-06:00

You are Marylin Monroe

Take The Quiz

I'm Pissed

2007-03-19T08:09:00.000-06:00

DO NOT donate to the Goodwill. I had a really bad experience yesterday that I cannot go into but besides that just think about it.

You give them you're used items and they put it in their store to resell.

They claim that their "Good Will" is to provide jobs. So what. So does Wal-Mart and any other business out there. They start their managers out at $7.50/hr and their regular employees out at minimum wage. (In Texas it's currently $5.15/hr) The CEO of Goodwill makes more than any other "charity" CEO. $530,693/yr hmmm.

A Non-profit organization only means that the companies main objective is some sort of charity and that it's tax deductable. Yet they still manage to over pay the big guy and under pay the actual worker.

So I will never shop or donate to the Goodwill ever again. Next time I'll go to a thrift store like Thrift Town (LOVES IT!) and take my left over garage sale clothing down on Lancaster street in Fort Worth and actually hand the clothes over to the homless myself, which Stacey and I have done before and it's much more rewarding that droping them off at some clothing donation box to be sold in a store so some CEO can make is half a mil a year.

As for the Salvation Army, I'll never forget this story. Obviously they care more about appearing morally "right" than helping out those in need and that turns me off of them. I also remember when Stacey's aunt's church gathered a bunch of food and clothing right after hurricane Katrina and took it to the local Salvation Army in Dallas. They looked her up and down and told her they didn't need her box of clothes and food, they needed money, and walked off. That right there turned an entire church off.

I still hate the Goodwill more.

2007-03-18T16:08:00.000-06:00

~28 secrets about yourself~ From Cori

1. Is your default picture your natural hair color?
Myspace profile pic? No.

2. Where was your default pic taken?
In my great grandmother's house in Savannah.

3. What's your middle name?
Lynn

4. Your current relationship status?
Happoly coupled

5. Honestly, does your crush(s) like you back?
?

6. What is your current mood?
Tired and irritable

7. What color shirt are you wearing?
blue

8. What makes you happy, honestly?
Today? Nothing

9. Are you musically inclined?
Somewhat

10. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day- what would you bE?
A bird

11. Ever had a near death experience?
No

12. Something you do a lot?
paint

13. What's the name of the song stuck in your head right now?
Suddenly I See by...uh...don't know the girls name

14. Who did you copy and paste this survey from?
Cori

15. Name someone with the same b-day as you?
Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

16. When was the last time you cried?
A few days ago

17. If you could have one super power what would it be?
Mind reading

18. What's the first thing you notice about the OPPOSITE sex?
Nothing

19. What do you usually order from Starbucks?
Chai latte or a Carmel Macchiato

20. Whats your biggest secret?
This is a little on the stupid side. I should have read all these first before I decided to post it.

21. What's your favorite color?
Pink

22. When was the last time you lied?
I really don't remember

23. Do you watch kiddy tv shows or movies?
Both

24. Do you have a best friend?
Yes

25. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?
My size. I'd like to be a little taller.

26. What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
Nothing at the moment. I'm full from Uncle Julio's Mexican shrimp something-or-nother and chips with Queso with a tall Dr. Pepper...mmmmmm.

27. Do you speak any other language?
I can throw some mean insults in Spanish, does that count?

28. What's your favorite scent?
The Healing Garden - Jasmine & Lavender

Painting

2007-03-18T09:50:00.000-06:00

I just listed this one on Ebay. It took 8 hours for my other two to show up in the listings and I'm hoping this one wont take as long. I like it better and it took me quite a while to do.

My Day

2007-03-17T20:39:00.000-06:00

Stacey and I went garage sale-ing this morning. We bought

a doggie gate for $3
a truck bed extender for $8
a little tikes toy box for $5 that we'll turn around and sell for $30
a little tikes race car bed, twin size with new decals for $40 which we are planning to re sell.
and we ended up with a free desk.

After that, we went to Cleburne to visit with Angie for a while and came back home. I've had a stomach ache for the last few hours probably from a mix of the V8 I had earlier and my medication. I ate some McDonald's nuggets to absorb some of the acid in my stomach and I feel better.

I'm tired.

Pet Deaths Prompt Recall of Pet Food

2007-03-16T18:30:00.000-06:00

Another Pet Food Recall

I was buying Iams for Daisy and Ruby a while back until I was pouring it into their bowls and noticed something white sticking out of one of the puppy kibbles. Daisy had blood in her stool the week before and neither Stacey and I nor the vet could figure out what was causing it. Anyway, when I looked closer at the piece of food I noticed it was a shard of bone. I immediately took both dogs of the Iams and switched to Purina One and Daisy stopped bleeding. She was on the puppy chow and Ruby was on the adult food. So watch out those of you with pets. Just because it's expensive and claims to have high meat content, doesn't always mean it's safe.

Thought This Was Cool

2007-03-16T13:31:00.000-06:00

http://www.myheritage.com

I've never been told I look like any of these people, though I'm definitely not offended by it!
Usually I get told I look like Christina Aguilera . I've been told that one by all the gay guys in my group, the guy at the Mc Donald's drive through, a few waitresses and my therapist. It could be worse, right?

MySpace

2007-03-16T08:28:00.000-06:00

I've found some all kinds of people I know on Myspace. I found 2 of my childhood best friends and 2 of my cousins who don't know I've found them yet. I'm not so sure if my uncle would approve of what one of them had to say on her Myspace page. Drinking, smoking and partying?

I started a Myspace but I haven't figured out how to work it quite yet. I don't have but one friend on there right now and I want to add more photos but I'm usually the one taking them all so I don't have many of me.

I have some new artwork I'll be listing on Ebay today, sometime. I have to go to the bank now.

MOOD: Irritable

Nasty Brats

2007-03-16T07:25:00.000-06:00

Stacey and I went to eat at Fire Mountain Grill last night in Mansfield. We were dining on steak and eating sweet rolls and potatoes from the buffet when Stacey went back for a salad. While she was just about to sprinkle some cheese on top of her full salad plate, some little punk ass, booger picking, brat about age 8 came up to the cheese and started eating out of it with his fingers. Stacey made a noise at him to stop so he pulled all of the cheese out of his mouth and put it right back in the buffet. YAK! We both lost our appetites right away. I flagged down our waitress and told her what had happened and she took the cheese before anyone else got any.

You could tell by his parents that they could have cared less. I wanted to spit my chewed up steak right in the middle of THEIR food and see how THEY liked it. I also wanted to ring the kid's neck. He's old enough to know better. Tyler is 9 and he wouldn't think about doing something like that. I've watched him many times at buffets and he's so careful. Even the 6 year old doesn't act like that in a restaurant.

Ughgh. People.

A New Day

2007-03-15T09:11:00.000-06:00

I'm sitting here eating my turkey and beans and TRYING to swallow these huge Depakote pills. I have so much I need to do but I just want to sit and stare at the wall all day.
I need to go to the Post Office to stand in line for a hour to mail off some package.

I need to go to the craft store for art supplies.

I need to get the laundry done.

I need to bathe both dogs and I know when I let them in they will get mud EVERYWHERE so...

I'll have to scrub the rugs and carpet too.

I need to get my blood work re-done since they screwed it up last time.

I need to call a therapist off my list and make an appointment. Hopefully one will take my insurance.

I'm on my period and I feel horrible. I want to crawl back in bed and sleep.

Ughg

2007-03-14T18:28:00.000-06:00

I quit group today. I went home early yesterday. I hated my therapist, arrogant bitch. She told a suicidal girl who had taken an entire bottle of Trazodone and cut her wrist because she was homeless and wanted to die that SHE didn't care if she committed suicide or not, that SHE didn't want to see her back on that unit again.

I got up and walked out. I started having bad cramps and went home. I told them this morning that I wasn't going to get anything else out of this group, I was tired of being left out by the therapists and a bunch of gay guys comparing dick sizes and bragging about their fuck-a-thons and I wanted to be discharged. Now I have to find a therapist I can see one on one.

I'm sick. Stacey and I just got back from eating Chinese food. I had sushi and Stacey had the American food they serve. Steak sandwiches and prime rib. We have such different tastes. Opposites attract, right?

My Weekend

2007-03-11T21:04:00.000-06:00

We met the family at Joe's Crab Shack for lunch today. Stacey's mom had never been there so her sister insisted we all go. I ordered the Fisherman's Platter for $13.99, about the average price for an entree. Stacey's entree cost $17.99. The entire bill ended up $150.00 not including a tip. The stuffed mushroom and raw oyster appetizers were great and our waitress was sweet. I wasn't impressed at all with the main course. A hand full of little battered salad shrimp, some tiny battered scallops and some clam strips. Then a whole bunch of french fries. I could have bought a bag of the same shit frozen for about $5 at Kroger.

About an hour later my stomach began to burn. We went to visit Angie, Stacey's sister and our entire visit I was hunched over in pain. Fried seafood has a tendency to do that to me so I blame myself, not the restaurant, but I won't be going back to Joe's anytime soon.

Ruby got into the trash in the back yard and had it everywhere. Daisy had something orange in her beard so I picked her up and smelled her. I could tell it was spaghetti sauce. Nasty whores.

I have group tomorrow. I'm going to tell my therapist that I'd like to quit the group and save my free outpatient days for one on one therapy. I've had about 30 minutes out of an entire week of working on MY problems in group. Everyday a new person joins so we never have time for me or any of the members who have been there more than a day or so. It's a waste of my time and insurance money.

And again, I don't have a drug problem. It's like trying to treat someone for a heart attack when what they have is cancer.

Bullshit.

Some Random Thoughts From The Last Few Days

2007-03-09T19:14:00.000-06:00

~ Stacey and I ate at Johnny Carinos today. Some may disagree, but the food was excellent, the prices were reasonable, and the service was great. I was very impressed and I will be going back, soon.

~I missed group today to get ready for our humongo garage sale tomorrow. Mama G and Nona are coming up to help. Angie gets her 4 hour pass tomorrow so she can spend it with Ty. I can't wait to see her. It's been almost 2 years!!!

~ I never in my life thought I could feel sorry for a child molester until yesterday. We have one in our group. His story (which I did some investigating and all turned out to be true) brought me to tears. I'll get deeper into that one some other time.

~ I have found two of my old childhood best friends. Both are doing great, both look great and I'm so happy to get to have contact with them again.

~I spoke with Mommie on the phone last night and this morning. She'll be 95 in May! God I love her.

~ We put on the best garage sale in the DFW area. I'm not lying. We buy our items at auctions and sell them cheap. Many of our customers are Mexicans that purchase the goods to take back to Mexico and they LOVE our low prices. Even with 3 people running the sale, we still end up with people stealing and things get pretty out of control. School buses can't get down our street and the neighbors come out bitching' but it's all worth while in the end.

~ When a toilet flushes it spews germs up to 12 feet in air. I just absolutely love when I go to into the bathroom at Wal-Mart, like today, lay my paper out on the seat, gently place my purse between my feet, drop my pants and ease down on the seat to piss and I move just a little to one side and the auto-flusher goes off and sprays water all over my bare ass. ARGH!

~ Stacey went to Cleburne to get some clothes racks and it's just me and Ruby. I have the windows open (not smart for this neighborhood but oh well, I have a gun) and the fans blowing and it feels pretty good.

~ I hope my 3 readers have a lovely weekend and stay safe.

Mexican Food

2007-03-07T08:55:00.000-06:00

Back in Savannah, there isn't much to choose from when it comes to Mexican food. You can get all the fresh seafood you want, but there may be two restaurants in Savannah that claim to serve Authentic Mexican food and thy both remind me of a place here called El Fenix. (Dont know if they have those out east now or not)

I'm sitting here eating one of those El Charrito dinners you buy for $1.00 at Wal-Mart. Compared to El Fenix this is DAMN good.

Stacey, Kim and I went for lunch at El Fenix a few weeks ago and I was very unimpressed. The waiter was this fat greasy guy who was breathing hard and sweating profusely. He took our order. The two tables that came in 10 minutes after us were served their food while we sat and still waited on ours. The chips and salsa weren't bad but I had ordered a nacho platter for $8.99. I know $8.99 is cheap so I wasn't expecting much but some nachos with cheese, chili and maybe some lettuce and sour cream. Finally our panting waiter came back with the food with his sweat droplets falling into our pathetic looking lunches. They served Kim the wrong thing but she didn't bitch about it. Stacey had fajitas that looked like little burned turds with an onion, and my nachos were 12 tortilla chips with some greasy cheddar cheese sprinkled on top. The cheese was SO greasy that I just couldn't eat it.

Kim found a long black hair in her food. We determined it wasn't Stacey's short brown hair and it wasn't Kim's short black hair and certinaly not my long blond hair so it must be...the greasy waiters LONG BLACK HAIR. Ewww.

Stacey lost her appetite so we ordered one big to go box and filled it up with our dinners.

I gave it all to Ruby when I got home and felt a little guilty about doing it. My precious boxer deserves better than that nasty garbage.

She ate every bit and shit all over the place afterwards.

El Fenix Restaurants...Not even fit for a dog.

Group #2

2007-03-06T19:56:00.000-06:00

Group sucked today. I sat there and sat there going over the 12 step program and talking about crack addiction when I DON'T HAVE A CRACK ADDICTION OR ANY DRUG ADDICTION. I'm bipolar and I need to cope with my mood swings. I'm not there for drug abuse. This is making group seem worthless.

I've eaten so much today that I feel like I'm going to explode. I had Dickie's BBQ for dinner. Brisket, fried okra and beans with sweet tea and a roll...mmmmmmmmm.

I think I'm going to vomit. It's coming up into my mouth then back down my throat. I have a gas bubble behind my left boob and it hurts to move. I'm bloated and tired. I think I'll sleep good tonight.

Insomnia

2007-03-05T22:13:00.000-06:00

Normally I'm in bed by 9pm since Stacey started working days. I'm wide awake and can tell that I'm not going to get sleepy anytime soon. I took a Klonopin and hoping that will kick in soon.

I'm CRAVING V8 juice for some reason. I've been drinking on a 32oz bottle the last hour or so. It's like my body craves that healthy ~~480mg of sodium~~ tomato, lettuce, beet and carrot juice. Mmmmm.

I'm going to lay back down now.

Group #1

2007-03-05T18:48:00.000-06:00

Went to group today. I didn't say much at first then the second half I opened up more. It's a PRIDE group so I'm with all my kind, including the therapists which makes it MUCH easier. I'm the only non-drug addict though. I'm not sure if the others can relate to me since they are in there for crack addiction (all of them) and I'm in there for bipolar. They were able to see my mood swings in action and were pretty entertained by them. I'd be all shy and quite one minute, then talkative and anxious the next. Then quiet again.

Stacey is sick with a cold. I've been boiling her water for extra hot baths (our water heater is 20 years old! Older than the house!) and trying to make her feel better but there's not much I can do.

Daisy is laying right in her ass crack. She likes to do that. I woke up this morning with her face in my ass. She's a weird one. She like to lick you right in the eyes, sleep across your face and bite your ears. She's a sweetie though.

I need to start selling my artwork again. I have nothing listed on Ebay right now and I NEED MONEY. I'm trying to save up for a trip to Savannah in July to see mommie. I miss her.

I go back to group again tomorrow at noon. Everyday Mon-Fri for the next 3 weeks. Yay.

Food

2007-03-05T10:12:00.000-06:00

I went to the Dr. this morning and told her I was starting group today. She was happy and didn't change my meds or anything. Last week she upped my Depakote to 1500 mg a day. I'm eating triple what I normally would. Luckily I'm skinny as it is so if I put on a few more pounds I might look better. I shit 5 or 6 times a day too. My stomach hurts and I have horrible gas. I can handle that though.

I'm thinking about going into an EMT program after I get finished with therapy. I'm not sure where to start.

My dogs are driving me nuts. Am I the only one out there who has a pet that sleeps with them and no matter how they decide to lay on the bed (mine prefers the center of my pillow) you will rearrange yourself into an uncomfortable position just to keep it from being disturbed? I wake up every morning in pain because my little bitch (mini schnauzer) likes to sleep on my pillow and sometimes if I'm on it first, she will lay across my face or throat. Arrgh!

Wild Hogs

2007-03-04T21:51:00.000-06:00

We went to see Wild Hogs today. It was hilarious! If you haven't seen it yet, go see it. It's just an all around fun movie. We also saw Norbit. It was funny but Wild Hogs was way better. After that we ate at Taco Cabana and went home. I have to be at the Dr. at 9AM tomorrow and I start group at 12PM. Not looking forward to it. Goodnight.

Haunted Places In Texas

2007-03-03T20:10:00.000-06:00

I am obsessed with the paranormal. If something is known to be haunted, I want to go there. Recently I visited the location of the "Screaming Bridge." You can't get down to the actual spot because they have the now dirt road blocked off and it was too muddy to walk to when Stace and I went, but I plan to get to the spot one of these days. It's close to my FAVORITE park, River Legacy Park. The park is said to be haunted with confederate soldiers and the park can be really creepy especially on a cloudy day. This is a good list to many of the haunted spots in Texas. I've visited quite a few of the places. One of my favorites that they just recently tore down (it says it burned but I don't think so) was the house on Arkansas Road. As the story goes (copied from The Shadowlands):

Arlington - Arkansas Road-House - A big house on a hill where a boy murdered his family in the 90's. It's said that if you go into the house mysterious people run out, weird noises our heard like footsteps, doors slamming, windows breaking. - November 2003 Update: The house was built in the 40's. The whole area around it was a ranch, and that's where the family lived. The murders happened in the 60's or early 70's. There are two stories; the first being the family had a retarded son they kept in the cellar, but not abusively. He lived down there, had everything he need, bathroom, bed, television. There is a large walk in freezer down there too. Apparently he murdered his parents and kept the bodies in the freezer, and eventually died himself. The second story is that The kid that lived there wasn't retarded, and after his parents died of natural causes lived there. It's said he was a pedophile and a child murderer and would kill children and hide their bodies in the freezer. Right now it's zoned for commercial use, so companies keep buying the property with plans to level it and put a building there. About two or three weeks later, they'll sell it. Reports of a family who bought it and started to renovate it. New shingles, new windows, all the graphite on the outside is gone, but 3 weeks later, all work on the house stopped. Right now there is a fence around the property, and the road has been lowered, but you can still see it. - March 2007 Update: Burned down Summer 2006

I visited this place a few times. It's scary. I've been into the basement, and actually looked inside the freezer but it was so dark that I couldn't see anything. There was lots of satanic graffiti on the walls and no hallways in the house. An interesting place to check out. Too bad it's not there anymore.

Hugh & Holly To Wed?

2007-03-03T13:20:00.001-06:00

'Girls Next Door' stars Hugh Hefner and Holly Madison to wed

It's about time!

One Hot Bitch!

2007-03-03T12:35:00.000-06:00

Bridget, Kendra and Holly have NOTHING on this bunny baby!

My Last Few Weeks

2007-03-03T11:33:00.000-06:00

Everyone tells me to keep a journal rather than expose myself to the Internet through a blog. I always admired my dad and how he didn't give a shit what ANYONE thought. He would say how he felt no matter who he scared, pissed off or hurt. I'm not that way. I am at times, but I don't like when friends and family find my blog and read about time where I've cut myself or went into the hospital because then they fear me. The purpose of this blog is not to scare my friends and family.

I know my dad would want me to blog. He was so proud of his and I was so surprised at all online friends and fans that he had. He was his own celebrity in a way. People from all over the world adored him.

I'm not going to post this blog all over the place. I'll give the address to a few online friends and whoever else finds it, then great. This is going to be a place for me to rant and rave whenever I'm having a mood swing or whatever.

I was in the hospital a few weeks ago for cutting myself. My best friend moved away and I can't hold down a job without walking out after about a year because I get so upset over nothing. Luckily I sell my artwork on Ebay to help pay the bills.

I have had no motivation to paint anything over the last few days. I sometimes feel like It's a waste. And when I don't sell something I feel like shit.

I have no energy to get up and clean this disgusting house, I'm not tired enough to go back to bed. I just want to sit in a chair and stare at the wall for hours.

I hope this group therapy helps. I've been to so many groups in the past that I'm not very hopeful. What's the magic word that's going to change my life? Nothing. I'm going to sit there while everyone tells me to quit feeling sorry for myself, to grow up and to think about all the other people I'm hurting. Then I'll go home, think about how selfish I am and how I'm hurting those who care about me and I'll want to die.

I'm afraid of that. We'll see won't we.

Try Again

2007-03-03T10:53:00.000-06:00

I'm going to keep this one a little more private. Everytime I start a blog, I end up hurting someone or scaring someone I care about. I'm mentally ill and everyone thinks I'm dangerous because of it. I'm not.

Actually I'm a pretty nice person. Yeah, piss me off and I will retailiate but I could never do bodily harm to someone unless my life or the life of someone I cared about was threatened.

I start groups on Monday. I went for my assessment Friday and I'll be attending groups 3-5 days a week for 15 + days. I don't really WANT to, but I'm tired of living this way.