I've had a rough day. It's the week before I start and everything is going wrong for me. I've been upset since Sunday. Being around Stacey's family makes me realize what I'm missing out on not having my own. I rarely speak to my mother (she has her own problems) my dad is dead and all of my aunts and uncles live in Georgia and I don't speak to them much. I never really had siblings growing up. Quinton was 4 when I moved to Texas so I don't know him. I didn't get a call from anyone wishing me happy Easter.

Stacey's family is the only family I have but I know that when it comes down to it, if something happened between Stacey and I that I would no longer be family. If I screwed up, I loose them. If Stacey screws up, she doesn't loose them. It's not REAL family. It just sucks knowing that if I were in jail, no one would send ME money, if I ended up on the street no one would take ME in, if I really needed someone I'm tough out of luck because I don't have anyone other than Stacey.

I haven't taken my meds in 3 weeks now. Maybe I need to start back. I saw my therapist today and she said my moods have something to do with my period too. She says just to stay to myself during those days. Easy for her to say. I didn't make another appointment since the receptionist didn't notice me standing at the window for 10 minutes while she was on the phone so I just left. I'll probably never go back. I see my Dr. on Thursday.What do I tell her? I haven't been taking my pills? She'll tell me, "we'll, there's nothing I can do for you if you won't take your medication." and she's right.

My head hurts so bad. I've painted some but I get agitated and have to stop every few minutes to walk around the house or eat something. I still need to unpack everything from our trip. That wore me out.

I have 20 candles burning throughout the house and it still smells like Ruby shit. I couldn't leave her outside in the cold for 3 days. I'd rather come home to a house full of shit than a dead dog. I HAVE to get her fixed. I can't stand making her stay outside while she's on her "cycle". She sits and cries at the back door and all I can do is go outside every now and then and play with her. She just doesn't understand why she can't come in with Daisy. Poor Ruby.

Enough for now. I'm going to get my clothes out of the washer.