I'm so fucking tired. I'm tired of struggling everyday. I'm tired of not having any money to pay bills. I'm tired of not being able to work outside of my home. I'm tired of crying for no reason. I'm tired of going off on people for no reason. I'm tired of failing at everything I try to do. I'm tired of not having the hand out opportunities of those in prison and those who just got out and get free schooling and get to enter into free programs for the career of their choice and special training in this and that and I can't. I want to go to school but not only can I not afford it, I was put in special ed because of my bipolar during high school so I have no math skills.

I was exempt from taking any kind of TAAS or SAT type tests and I was exempt from all math classes because they thought something was wrong with me. Now, I'm on 6th grade math level, if even THAT so I can forget nursing school or EMT programs which require a "strong background in math" and which you have to pass a math test in order to be CONSIDERED for acceptance.

Maybe I'm on a feel sorry for myself rant today and I don't care. I'm depressed and I feel hopeless and worthless.

I guess I'll be digging through trash for junk to resell and painting for less than $100 a week for the rest of my life.

I get so nervous and I freak out around people to the point I have a hard time holding down any kind of job where I'm around people. I'll bump my arm or someone will look at me the wring way and I'll just start crying like I'm having some kind of breakdown and end up losing or quitting my job. Meds don't seem to help for THAT. Sure, they treat the anxiety and the mania where I can't sleep and I can't concentrate, but nothing calms the emotions enough.

I may just quit this blog. What's the point? I may just quit selling my art. What's the point in that? I spend more in supplies than what I make.

I hope I wake up tomorrow in a better mood.